Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
