Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
