batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
