This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
