Christians are straight up FREAKS
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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