my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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