I cannot find my penis.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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