Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
