I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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