So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
