lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
