I showed him my bush... on skype.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
