New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
