Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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