Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
