oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
