you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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