you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
