You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
