So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
