I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
