How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
