Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
