I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
