who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
