You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
