Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
