I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
