dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
