can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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