Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
