a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
