i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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