this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
