just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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