The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
