the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
