I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
