Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
