Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
