Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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