Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
