my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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