how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
