Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
