So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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