A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
