speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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