Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
