No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I look better un-naked...
false alarm. still invincible.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So gin and wine won't be happening again
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
