Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
