She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
