He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
