I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
