bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
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so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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