no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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