I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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