dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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