Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
