i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
