You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
