You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
