Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My dick has a subreddit
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
