When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
