wakey wakey hands off snakey
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
