it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
