Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
