So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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