I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
