1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
