i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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