So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
