Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
