walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
