my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
