Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
